Homebirth and “extreme” moms on 20/20
Having two midwife-attended home waterbirths I was looking to this 20/20 feature on “extreme” moms with a great deal of trepidation. They advertised a program with segments about orgasmic birth, “reborn” babies, extended breastfeeding, “serial” surrogacy and homebirth.
Which of these things is not like the other? I’m on board for reborns and a dozen surrogacies as extreme behavior (though not impressed with portrayal of these women as freak shows). Orgasmic birth is not necessarily a choice, let alone an extreme behavior – it is what it is; too bad more of us don’t get to experience that way of birthing.
Extended breastfeeding until the age of eight? Yeah, extreme.
But midwife-attended homebirth IS NOT an example of “extreme” mothering.
Just the fact of its inclusion in this program did not bode well for how they’d handle the topic. So, anxious and frustrated before the show even began, we tuned in.
Orgasmic birth
The orgasmic birth segment was the best of the show (and that’s damning with faint praise). The other segments were incredibly biased, sensationalistic, judgmental. The whole premise of this show was misogynistic (let’s paint women, especially mothers, as weirdos so you lot can point and laugh).
Extended breastfeeding
The extended breastfeeding segment wasn’t *really* about extended breastfeeding. It was about statistical outliers – people so far off the curve that they would be considered… extreme. No false advertising here lol. My gripe with this, aside from the aforementioned problem I have with the entire premise of this show, is that mainstream society already thinks breastfeeding past a few months old is extreme and wacky. Which puts pressures on mamas to make decisions for their children that are not necessarily in the best interest for their health and well-being just to conform.
If ALL babies weaned on their own biologically-appropriate timeline, you’d have an extreme few weaning between 6-12 months and another extreme few weaning upwards of 8 yo. Outliers. The average age of weaning when it is child-led is between ages 2-4. (That’s me nursing my two year old toddler circa 2002, she weaned completely not too many months after the shot was taken.) Not extreme. But now we’ve got this show painting all moms who nurse past the first year painted with the same outlier brush.
Worse than all that, the developmental “expert” they featured was an IDIOT trotting out the children “need to be taught independence” myth. Raise your children secure in their attachment for you and you will not need to teach them independence. They are more likely to take risks when they don’t feel insecure about their parents’ love. And, incidentally, the healthiest adult mother/child relationships I know of are those where the adult child can STILL count on their mamas for comfort and support. ♥ Seeking support and comfort from your mother does not necessarily equal dependence on her. Mr. So-Called-Expert is neither informed nor analytical enough for me to have any respect for his opinions.
The mom nursing her six year old son, on the other hand, came off as sensible, reasonable and intelligent – an excellent counterpoint to the so-called expert of developmental psychology whose outdated views on “detachment parenting” contribute to much of the dysfunction we have in society today.
Check out Custom Made Milk for an even more detailed analysis of this segment.
Reborn dolls
Who cares? Not my thing and yeah, those women seem pretty weird, but it’s a harmless eccentricity. Those dolls are works of art – wow!
“Serial” surrogacy
Who cares? As Scott pointed out, most professional athletes use their bodies to make a living and take far greater risks with their health (boxing??) with exactly zero philanthropic motivation. And they are revered.
Ah, on to the homebirth segment…
First, they totally edited the footage from Ricki Lake’s movie so it looked like Abby Epstein was a failed homebirth emergency, when, in fact, she went into preterm labor with a breech presentation. Unless she was parking at the hospital for weeks, this “transport” to the hospital would have happened regardless of where the birth was planned. At least she had the advantage of having a professional healthcare provider attending her before she went to the hospital.
They don’t make a clear delineation between unassisted birth and midwife-attended homebirth. Unassisted birth is an extreme choice, but that choice does not represent the way most families choose homebirth. Again, outlier.
I was glad Ricki Lake was interviewed, but ultimately they focused on Abby Epstein’s experience and how it represents “everything people think is wrong with homebirth.” (ARGH) I bet the Business of Being Born camp was mighty disappointed at how the homebirth segment was produced. I know I was.
Other annoyances
In general, I assume most of these families were given some indication that a segment on 20/20 would give them the chance to participate in a balanced view of their cause. (Were they even told this was for an “extreme moms” segment and what that meant?) I doubt they tell these moms, hey we want to make you out like a freak show, can we interview you?
I was frustrated with the parents who let their children be interviewed for the breastfeeding piece. I don’t think they’re damaging their children by breastfeeding them – I do think putting them on TV to talk about it when our culture is so poisonous on the topic is a particularly unfortunate lapse in judgment.
All the fathers/husbands on the show were painted as long-suffering spouses putting up with their wives’ wacky behavior. Never once were we shown a spouse who demonstrated that he was a participant in the parenting/decision-making.
As I expected, the show was tabloid journalism at its worst – a segment produced for no other purpose than to exploit base human behavior (let’s make fun of weird people). And it was a segment that did no favors for couples who make well-researched, well-considered decisions about birthing and nourishing their babies, making informed choices that just happen to be outside of mainstream behavior.
Mom to 4 kids and 2 stepkids, I am a writer writing in the heart of chaos. I am the co-founder and former editor of 
I found the coverage to be rather crappy overall, as well. Particularly the breastfeeding coverage.
There was no mention of biological weaning milestones: Immunocompetence which fully develops around 4-8 years of age. The fact that the jaw changes shape when the milk teeth fall out (5-8) and the permanent teeth grow in, and that the suckling reflex disappears at approximately that age. The fact that children who are weaned earlier in life tend to have more issues with jumbled teeth and the need for braces and wisdom tooth extractions. The fact that our species has an unusual amount of problems with TMJ and jaw misalignment. Something that breastfeeding full-term can decrease. There was no mention about the fact that a child’s brain is still rapidly growing and developing and that that brain growth and development tapers off at around 6-8 years of age. That until that happens, the child sees tremendous benefit from mother’s milk which contains the ideal balances of brain-healthy fats and vitamins to support brain growth, as opposed to cow milk which promotes body growth and which actually interferes with the absorption of certain vitamins and minerals.
There was a passing mention of the fact that the oldest child nursing on the show, the *7* (not
year old girl, was actually weaned against her psychological will because of physiological changes. Her suckling reflex disappeared, as the suckling reflex tends to disappear between 6-8 years of age. But there was no analysis about the implications of that fact.
There was also no mention of the fact that other species do not continue to lactate past the age of weaning. If you have a cow and do not breed the cow constantly, the cow’s milk will dry up because the typical calf-led weaning takes place between one and two years. Humans that are practicing child-led weaning and not actively destroying their milk supply with medications and poor diet, will continue to make milk up until about 6-8 years.
Why, if so many hard-set BIOLOGICAL milestones exist, is breastfeeding past two considered to be so extreme? Wouldn’t it make more sense that pushing our children onto an inferior diet before they are biologically ready to depend on that diet would be more extreme?
sara
3 Jan 09 at 12:48 pm
[...] is what this blog is all about. (If you’re interested in the homebirth segment, check out this analysis over at Beba [...]
20/20’s “Extreme” Breastfeeding Episode « Custom-Made Milk
3 Jan 09 at 2:48 pm
i was ~pissed~ at how they characterized anyone bf-ing past a year as extreme. You’ve got to be effing kidding me.
I mean, the whole thing was so obviously skewed toward trying to fulfill that ‘extreme’ label — a classic example of a producer saying, ‘hey, let’s do a story about [insert crazy outlier thing] and show how it’s a trend encroaching on our American way of life.’
ok, i’m going to stop before i get myself more riled up. but please. what they should have done was a story about women who get thrown out of fast-food restaurants for discreetly bf-ing. that’s extreme.
islaygirl
3 Jan 09 at 8:38 pm
I have bestowed an award upon your blog. Come to mine, and see.
Holly Jahangiri
3 Jan 09 at 10:59 pm
Sounds like a bad show to me.
FYI The first baby in Iceland in 2009 was born at home with a midwife present.
Asdis
4 Jan 09 at 5:56 am
I actually channel-surfed to that 20/20 show the night it was on, not knowing what it was about. We saw the serial surrogate section – whatever. Then I saw that the next segment coming up was about homebirth and it showed flashing emergency lights and they started in with the over-the-top commentary … I thought “good lord” and then I thought “Betsy would HATE this.” LOL. I promptly changed the channel (to something equally as weird, I’m sure.)
Jen
4 Jan 09 at 6:02 am
Another out-of-hospital birther here (#2 was a homebirth, #s 3 and 4 were freestanding birth center births, and we are planning a home birth for the coming baby) and one of the things that bothers me the most is when people say things to me like “If I’d had my baby at home WE WOULD BOTH HAVE DIED!” and then it turns out they had some condition or contraindication that would have automatically risked them out with most hb midwives–OR, the condition or emergency was actually caused by their care provider! The logic is so backward that it’s almost impossible to argue; how can you really attempt to explain this to somebody when they’ve put so little critical thought into it to begin with? I have no problem with anyone else choosing to give birth in a hospital–I believe that women are generally safest giving birth where they feel safest (barring certain circumstances). But it really annoys me when people use faulty logic and knee-jerk fear reactions to judge my choice. It’s just…not an intelligent way to make an argument.
Meagan Francis
4 Jan 09 at 7:19 pm
I agree with your analysis.
Oh and I must say that this is a fabulous point that I never considered,
“most professional athletes use their bodies to make a living and take far greater risks with their health (boxing??) with exactly zero philanthropic motivation. And they are revered.”
I took issue with oh so much, but particularly with the reborn dolls and the surrogacy segments. The show was about motherhood and neither of those fit the bill. I can somehow see how they could twist interpretations shove surrogacy into the category, but it’s a stretch.
Reiza
4 Jan 09 at 7:20 pm
Just read the comment above mine and I wanted to agree. Let me add that with my first pregnancy, my OB put me in a situation where my daughters and I almost died. If I had midwifery care, we never would have been in that situation to begin with.
Did a surgical birth in a hospital save my life and the lives of my twins? Absolutely.
Did obstetric care and a planned hospital birth put me in that situation to begin with? Yep.
Reiza
4 Jan 09 at 7:23 pm
Ohh! I missed this episode last week and heard some really unfortunate opinions about the breast feeding part on the radio this morning. I was just Googling it to see if I would be able to see any portion of it and I came across your site. I love what you wrote! I agree with everything you’ve said and I didn’t even see it! Thanks for writing this and I LOVE the pic of you and your little girl– so precious! It’s nice to find someone who has similar opinions and views about parenting and mothering.
Cheers!
Victoria
Victoria
6 Jan 09 at 5:26 pm