I was just porting this old entry about parents taking their young kids into rated-R movies (Knocked Up, in this case) over from my archives and I had to laugh at the irony. Particularly the part where I said:

Sex, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, profanity - you name it, it was in there. I can’t sit through quite a number of PG-13 movies with my teenage stepson. When so many PG-13 movies are so much on that edge of being too uncomfortable to watch with your kids, what are people THINKING taking an under-13-year-old to a rated R movie????

Not that the following incident was nearly so heinous, but… still.

First, some background. We are a family that caught on to the Dr. Who craze just this year. We started by Netflixing the first disk in the Season 1 set. Immediately, we were hooked. The kids like watching and re-watching the episodes, so Scott went online and purchased Seasons 1-4. And we devoured them in less than six months with no self-control whatsoever - all 140+ episodes and the DVD extras.

We were all a little melancholy a couple weeks ago as we watched the final episode of Season 4 (especially when we learned that Season 5 is all a mess. Three Dr. Who specials in 2009, but no full season until 2010!).

But we consoled ourselves with the plan of watching various Dr. Who spin-offs, like the Sarah Jane Adventures. And Torchwood. Maybe check out some of the old Dr. Who episodes from the 80s that Scott remembers with fondness.

It was with this in mind that Scott purchased the Torchwood Season 1 DVD and presented it to me as a gift on Christmas Eve. The kids were so excited! Dr. Who has really captured their imaginations - they talk about the episodes obsessively. The read about them online. They write fan fiction. Even my 16 month old toddles around the house singsonging the Dr. Who theme. True story.

So it was with much anticipation that we settled down to see the story of Captain Jack Harkness resumed in our lives. Boy were we in for a surprise.

(This is what happens when you don’t vet your children’s programming!!)

Where Dr. Who is sunny and bright - with a lot of day time scenes, I realize in hindsight - this first episode of Torchwood was dark and gloomy - a lot of nighttime, a lot of drenching rain. Where Dr. Who stops short of gruesome violence, Torchwood let’s the blood spurt (vividly). Where Dr. Who is rated G for language, Torchwood dropped the F bomb at least a dozen times.

Not that my kids have never heard the F word in real life, goodness knows. But I guess we’ve sheltered them adequately, because they are NOT used to it on TV. They aren’t even allowed to watch most PG-13 movies until they are 13. So they were visibly flinching with every instance of profanity.

So, yeah, obviously kids are not the intended audience here. We were chagrined. Bailey and HM were berating me for letting them watch such a horrible show: “Maaahhhhm. We are not OLD ENOUGH for this yet!”

I wasn’t planning to let them watch any more of it for several more years. But they caught the preview for the next episode. Whoa, there goes Captain Jack running NAKED across the screen. The girls erupted with squealing. So I don’t think they heard the part about how the aliens in that episode are somehow activated by the sexual act.

Yep, okay, this is NOT Dr. Who. No mistake about it. Oops.

The episode was great, though. Scott and I really enjoyed it (and the girls enjoyed the storyline, too, actually) and are looking forward to watching the rest. It’s just not gonna be family TV night is all.

The Sarah Jane Adventures it is. (After we watch the first episode ourselves and read up a little on the reviews first, just in case.)

I just finished the Twilight series two nights ago, specifically vetting it for my 12 and 11 year old daughters who were hot to see what all the fuss is about.

WARNING: There are spoilers ahead.

HM finished the first two books and she’s done (for now) - she says Bella needs to get a life and she thought it was boring and that’s that.

Bailey also thinks Bella needs to get a life - she thinks Meyers wrote her WAY too hormonal (heh, an advantage to having a so-far non-boy crazy preteen reading it) and makes very bad decisions, including doing reckless and dangerous things in defiance of parental authority for very unhealthy reasons.

It’s already inspired some very spirited conversations in our household!

If you read amazon reviews, you’ll get the gist. It’s very much the stuff of fairy tales. As a theme, it really has this troubling inherent problem that underlies many of its other problems: To fulfill her dream (which is to become a vampire so as to be with Edward forever without physically aging beyond HIS physical age of 17) means sacrificing Bella’s very humanity. There is no way to turn that into a healthy decision.

Reminds me of the problem with The Little Mermaid. But at least Ariel has a talent - some aspirations. Bella has… NOTHING. She has no ambition, no dream, no aspirations whatsoever. I don’t understand why Meyer did that. I don’t understand why the editors didn’t suggest this simple improvement which would have given Bella even more to weigh when considering what she’d be sacrificing to be undead with Edward.

Ultimately, I kept turning the pages because Meyer IS a good storyteller. I wanted to see what would happen next - how this would all end. I wanted to see vampirism through Bella’s eyes (and that WAS cool in a fairy tale wish-fulfillment kind of way). But, damn, I was also frustrated because it could have been SO MUCH better in hundreds of different ways.

Back to values… There aren’t many values Bella represents that you’d want your daughter to emulate. Bella has no respect for her parents (nor does Meyers, nor does the reader), she is not a good friend - she is quite the user. She is attracted to Edward, but it seems to be a purely chemical thing. When Bella finds a good friend and Meyer paints a picture of relatively healthy companionship based on more than physical attraction and infatuation, Bella doesn’t pick that boy.

I think it’s a fun read, escapism and wish fulfillment galore, but it’s really important to help our daughters read with a critical eye, IMO. Just like we try to savvy them to all the unhealthy values expressed in media.

Ultimately, I think it’s a shame that Bella got everything she wanted without really sacrificing anything. The whole series really is about gratification of your desires, even at the expense of others, with little sacrifice required. I would say it’s definitely a mirror of much that is wrong with our society and its most superficial of values.

Read this series just a couple months after reading Reviving Ophelia like I did and it’s pretty chilling actually.

One friend of mine also made a good point about the unrealistic portrayal of having a baby in the fourth book. Bella becomes a vampire after having a baby, so she is immediately in perfect physical form and has superhuman strength and wants to have hot sex constantly. The birth - definitely not glorified, but problematic in its own ways. The postpartum period is beyond glorified, though, lol. Perhaps not the message you want to send teen girls about what having a baby is like.

Early last week, I was shut up with Jake in my MBR/office. The stupid door was shut, but it doesn’t completely latch. He managed to get it open, sneak out and crawl into HM/Mira’s room before I even noticed he was gone. (The door is around the corner from my office and I never thought for a second he’d get on the other side of the door!!!)

Thank goodness he didn’t head for the stairs instead.

There’s still more.

HM was having a snack and she came upstairs, went into her room to read on her bed. Suddenly, she shrieked! She heard baby sounds emerging from under her bed. She peeked below and sure enough, Jake had crawled under there and was playing with various choking objects.

He’s on the tail end of a cold, plus the dogs spend the night in the girls room. So when HM brought him to me, he was wiggling and gurgling with delight. And his face looked like it had been tarred and feathered, except with snot and dog hair. He was totally pleased with himself, though.

Isn’t he too young for these shenanigans??????

So if awards are being handed out today, I think I win for most neglectful, yet luckiest mommy. Wahhhhhh and PHEW that he was safe.

Ironically, I was researching baby gates when this went down.

And this weekend, my amazing husband solved some of these problems! We now have a master bedroom door that latches again AND we have gates. He also spent a significant amount of time in the attic yesterday dropping cable so he can rewire the network (the cables for which are currently snaking around Jake’s room, where he is never left to play unattended, but someday he will be).

This gate is on the landing hallway, blocking Jake from the balcony and stairs:

Gate #2 - this one traps Jake in the master bedroom/office when that’s where I am. By far the most childproofed and child friendly space in the house.

The bear represents Jake, who is taking a nap right now.

We’re putting this same gate (Kidco Configure) at the bottom of the staircase. Will post that photo when it’s installed!

Jake will be four months old in three days! Time being the rubber band that it is, it seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant with him and, simultaneously, it feels like he’s been with us forever!

Some notes on life with Jake:

• Jake is a wee bit ticklish. He’ll laugh if we tickle his belly or underarms during diaper changing time. It’s so cute, that we LOVE to change his diaper LOL. In fact, he generally adores diaper changing time, so it’s a fun little event at our house - everyone available tends to gather round because he’s so smiley and happy and interesting during that time.
  
• Jake loves the exersaucer. Truly, he LOVES that thing. Except when he wearies of it and has a tantrum and starts banging his head on the toys in frustration. Ouchie. I’m really impressed with the age-appropriate feedback they’ve built into this toy, though - just simple cause/effect that holds attention for 10-15 minutes at a time. Thank you to cousin McK and her mommy and daddy for passing it down.
• Grabby: Jake is reaching for EVERYTHING these days - just last week he discovered that he can ALSO make those delightful clicking noises right there in front of the computer, so now we compete for the keyboard! Very tricky sometimes…He grabs for our plates and the bites traveling to our mouths sometimes, too, if we’re holding him when we’re eating (which we usually are), but I don’t know if he’s interested in the food yet, per se. I don’t think he’s totally figured it out yet - that we eat food and it may be yummy.
  

• Bedtime routine. Usually we start winding down around 8 pm. Although often I’ll nurse him right after dinner and he’ll take a catnap on the breast for a half hour or so. This catnap seems to have no effect on his bedtime.He falls asleep for the night anytime between 8:30 and 10:30 - usually sometime between 9:30 and 10 on average. Last night he was really fussy after draining both breasts and having a long nursing session but not falling asleep. I calmed him down by having some gentle playtime on our bed until he started fussing again. I offered the breast and he refused (which he does by latch/unlatch/latch/unlatch, kick fuss wave arms) and finally I just laid him in the sidecar. He fussed for a minute, popped his thumb in his mouth and drifted off to sleep. We had the lullabye CD going too - he really responds to that “cue” that it’s bedtime.

  Sometimes he sleeps through the night (until 4:30 or 5); usually he wakes up around 3 am to nurse. Sometimes, if we’re very unlucky, he wakes up earlier, but that is increasingly rare.

• Naptime breakthrough:
  

  Jake has always been a sling or swing boy for naptimes. But every single week I persist in trying out the crib for naptimes, and every single time - until this past weekend - I failed.

  Suddenly one  weekend last month, I put him in his crib after nursing him to sleep and he slept there for over 2 hours! And he’s successfully taken his naps there ever since.

  But, wait! There’s more!

  A couple days later, I put him down there awake, sleepy and slightly fussy. He promptly konked!

  He’s also figured out how to suck his thumb. I believe this is key to his daytime sleep success. The dark cloud to my silver lining.
  

• Baby weight woes. I’ve been a breastfeeding mother for over five years of my life. Who would have thought I would have any breastfeeding insecurities this time around?? But as it turns out I have a skinny babe. He is almost four months old and weighs 11lbs 14 oz which puts him under the fifth percentile. He is strong, alert, energetic and hitting all his milestones - some early. He is 25th-50th for length and 5-10th for head circumference.He was 8 lbs at birth (42.1 weeks gestation) and regained that after one week, but he has always ridden the back of the weight curve. I haven’t been concerned because my mother-in-law has a similar tale to tell about Scott when he was a child - always skinny. He caught up as a teen and is average now.

  The pediatrician gave me a hard time about this last week, however. She says he may be okay now, but what about when he is rolling/crawling - he’ll need more calories (um, supply and demand - he’ll make more milk to compensate…). She said I have two choices: a bottle of formula per day or rice cereal.  (CEREAL?!?! Ugh)

  Seeing as how this milk grew 90th percentile babies, I feel pretty confident that it is not deficient. Though I suppose my diet could be better.

  In fact, I have five choices - in addition to her suggestions, which are very mediocre choices nutritionally, I also have the option to 1) Wait and see and 2) consult a lactation constultant and 3) supplement with breast milk, which is by far the superior choice considering that he is an exclusively breastfed baby.

• Erring on the side of caution, I spoke with a local lactation consultant and she’s not concerned at all. Jake is gaining about 4 oz per week, which is the least they like to see a BF baby gain, but it is in the range of normal (4-8 ounces is expected; 6 oz is average). If he drops off from there, she would have more concerns about failure to thrive. But as long as he’s gaining around one pound a month, staying on curve, hitting his milestones and peeing and pooping normally, there’s no cause for concern. And he’s on the mark in every regard. Until the doc freaked about this last week, it hadn’t even crossed my mind that there was a problem. He’s generally a happy, contented baby, a little ahead on most milestones. VERY strong and high energy. A great sleeper and a steady nurser.So I think I have some peace of mind. The LC has a little mama/baby shop not too far from me with baby scales, so I’m going to take him in there a couple times between now and his next appointment so I’m not blindsided by the number on the scale again. His next appointment is 2 months from now! An indication the doctor herself wasn’t THAT worried about him which makes the offhand crappy advice about formula/cereal even that much more frustrating - and formula would be a not so great choice if he was FTT and it was all because of a dairy allergy.

  I am making some changes, since there’s no harm with caution in this situation. I’m offering the breast more frequently, even when he hasn’t necessarily expressed a desire to nurse. And I’m not popping him off when he falls asleep at the breast like I sometimes do, especially in the evening when he is wont to nurse and take a catnap at the same time. Last night he napped with the boob in his mouth for 1.5 hours after dinner while Scott did the kitchen cleanup and all the usual after dinner chores.

• Guilty confession: Jake loves Baby Einstein. We’re not a big TV family - we don’t even have cable and only one TV is hooked up to the antennae and that’s the adult’s TV. The kids only watch videos and DVDs occasionally. But a friend gave me a set of Baby Einstein DVDs, so I propped Jake in front of Baby Mozart this week and he loves it! It’s so cute how he squeals and smiles and wiggles. I sit there next to him and watch him sometimes because his reactions are so fun.

  He only lasts about 15 -20 minutes though, then he’s ready to move onto something else. 20 minutes represents a pretty amazing attention span in this energetic little guy, though - usually he’s wanting to hop around from activity to activity every 5 minutes.

  The useful thing about this is that it keeps him entertained when he gets bored while we’re trying to eat dinner, so we’ve actually had a couple of peaceful dinners this week! For that reason, I’ve been saving his viewing for dinnertime or later, though maybe I could use that to get a shower sometime, hmmm.

  ETA: All the big kids like watching it, too LOL. It is very mesmerizing and the music is quite relaxing.

• Biting baby! Jake’s been doing this for a couple weeks (intermittently). Usually for us it happens when he’s done nursing and rather than politely break suction, sometimes he’ll release just enough to get my nipple between his gums and then cllllennnnnnnch. Freaking OW. Now if I see it coming, I insert a finger and break suction before he has a chance to bite down. Any hint whatsoever that he’s going to bite and off the boob he goes. And before you ask: Nope, no signs of teething yet, but he sure is a drooly baby!
  
• Loving cloth diapers: This is the first time I’ve used cloth on my kids and I have to say that - so far <knock wood> - I’m loving it. I’m very happy that the BG2.0 and blueberries have worked out so well for Jake, because I would be very frustrated if I had to cycle through various options until I found the right one. That is a LOT of money.Anyway, so far, so good. We have some occasional leaks, including poopie blowouts, but they’re pretty rare. No more or less than I’ve experienced using disposable dipes. Right now things are going well enough for us on the CD front that there would be no advantage to disposable - except of course the laundry factor.

  I do fatigue of doing diaper laundry every 2-3 days, but for the most part, I think it’s worth it and it’s not like it’s hard. It’s just One More Thing to Deal With.

Lots to write about, but not much computering time these days. Here’s a summary of some of the things I’ve done In the past week:

1. Nursed and nursed and nursed baby boy through his fussy two week growth spurt
2. Took Jake to local mama/baby shop for weight check - he’s regained his birth weight, plus half a pound (as of today he’s 8.5 lbs)
3. Bought Lily Padz nursing pads. Tried them out this afternoon. So far I’m liking! They seem to be pretty effective.
4. Bought new nursing bras one size bigger than I had on hand. I’m pretty sure the other ones were just enough too tight to create a problem (see #7 below).
5. Brushed teeth daily (sometimes two times per day!)
6. Two baths!
7. Suffered from cold one of daughters brought home from school.
8. Smacked down an encroaching bout of mastitis. Here’s how:

After two days of a low-grade fever that made me feel generally miserable, I woke up today feeling MUCH better! I guess it was plugged ducts making me feel so crappy. I had plugged ducts in both breasts and treated them aggressively yesterday. By late yesterday evening I could tell they were starting to clear and they were completely soft and not as tender by the time I woke up this morning - and fever is gone. So glad, because if I was feverish again for 3rd day I was thinking doc appt would be in order. Yay, I think I fought off full blown mastitis!

I thought I’d post my treatment routine in case it might help anyone else:

• Braless
• Moist heat - I filled disposable diapers with hot water and used it as a compress against each breast for about 5 min before nursing. I also soaked in a warm bath last night before bed with Jake, nursing him in the tub.
• Massaging the plugged ducts while nursing.
• Usually I nurse exclusively using cradle hold, but I mixed it up with some football hold yesterday (and will continue today, too) so that his nursing would more efficiently access the ducts that were plugged (on outside of breasts).

Right now Jake is snoozing on his daddy’s chest while I steal this moment. God, I could sit here and unwind for hours. How I miss my computer time! But the babe wakes like clockwork at 1:30 am, so I should go now and grab as many consecutive hours of sleep as possible.

Went to B’s middle school meet the teacher night last night. She’s a 6th grader and a little overwhelmed/anxious about the transition. This was supposed to be the night that we took her schedule and rotated through her classrooms in order so she could have some familiarity before the first day.

Well.

About two hours before it started, a storm hit. An AZ monsoon storm is nothing like a midwestern storm - there’s no drainage here so a relatively small storm can mean MAJOR flash flooding. I’m still not used to how disruptive simple thunderstorms can be around here! Anyway, traffic to this thing was a NIGHTMARE. We were late.

Then when we got there, parking was a nightmare. Then it turns out that the power was out and classrooms were flooded so they corralled all the 6th graders and families into the generator powered cafeteria (lights, but NO a/c) which was stuffy and super humid and we had to stand it was so crowded (I must not look that pregnant, since not one person offered me a place to sit <grumble>.)

So we got to listen to the teachers introduce themselves. There was a microphone, but of course we mostly couldn’t hear it. Poor B was completely, totally overwhelmed by this whole fiasco. Very counterproductive.

If only that stupid storm could have held off a few more hours. Wahhh. I felt bad for the principal/teachers trying to coordinate this last minute change in the plan. What a challenge for them.

I was annoyed, however, that about 50% of the teachers didn’t have their school supplies list prepared, even though we were told to expect this from them today. WTF? They say they’ll have it ready on the first day of school (Monday).

That is not exactly role modeling the organized, prepared behavior they expect the kids to have.

UPDATE
———————

I suppose it all worked out in the end. After I posted the above account, I was taking another look at her schedule and it dawned on me that perhaps she did NOT get placed in the Title I math program, even though her 5th grade teacher assured me that she had made the recommendation and B would have NO problem getting placed. (I know, can I really be that naive and not more proactive?? Argh at self.)

So I called the school as soon as they opened today and sure enough, B had been placed in the regular classroom. When doing the assignments they went purely by AIMS results (and B did very well on her AIMS, in spite of completely failing the last semester of math). Anxiety, not ability, is definitely her issue.

Not sure how they missed the teacher recommendation, but I can accept that these things happen. Thankfully, they got it all set to rights and called me to pick up B’s new schedule. As it turns out, that change shuffled pretty much everything else up as well, so we did our walking tour this afternoon with the schedule in hand and B feels much more comfortable about it all.

She was, however, a little chagrined when she learned that her math class is Title I. (”Now I *really* feel like an idiot!”) <sigh>

Can’t win. LOL. Poor B.

PS: When the school secretary (also visibly pregnant) asks when you’re due and you get to say “4 days ago” - hey, that’s kind of fun.

PPS: OH, one cool thing about this year - they have a homework club program that is available every Mon-Thurs from 2:45 - 4:30 - and then there’s a 4:30 bus! Woo! Bailey’s knee jerk reaction was to be very opposed to this homework club thing, but we have negotiated a plan. She is responsible for maintaining a passing grade in math (or any subject). I will not monitor her homework. As long as she maintains that passing grade, she can decide or not to take advantage of the homework club. If the grade dips to a D or lower, however, then some amount of homework club (maybe 2x per week? more?) will be mandatory until the grade has been rectified.

She seems to like this plan, but we’ll see how the reality pans out. During the course of the discussion, she also seemed to start warming up to the idea of the club and thought she might take advantage of it some weeks when the math units were particularly difficult for her.

I am crossing my fingers that this is a smoother year for her than 5th grade was…

Today marks exactly one month until my due date (July 22)!

Miseries
I had an absolutely craptastic night last night - I woke up at about 2 am and that was that. I dozed a little off and on, which means I had no more deep sleep, but lots of crazy (many of them disturbing) dreams. Most of my nights are like this lately. In fact, the big excitement was night before last when I slept clear through the night without getting up to pee, which means no inability to fall BACK asleep that I’ve been suffering lately. I felt rested and refreshed all day yesterday. What a novelty! (And the scary thing is I know the whole grogginess/mental fog problem is going to get worse before it gets better. Eek.

Other discomforts of note: I sit at the computer all day and even with that my lower back aches by evening. But the worst is the weight and tightness of my belly. Starting around 3-4 pm the Braxton Hicks contractions start getting really frequent and intense. Getting dinner together is no joy - sometimes these contrax, while painless, are intense enough that they stop me dead in my tracks while I try to collect my breath.

Also the boy is really getting up into my ribs and they really hurt. Ahhh, I’m just one complaining ball of miserableness!

But the pool, ohhhhhhh, the pool. I’ve been getting in most nights lately, floating and soaking as long as I can until I feel chilled. Bliss.

The worst part is getting OUT of the pool. Immediately the weight and the BHs hit me hard. There’s not much left for me to do at that point but go to bed, get as comfy as I can with pillows and sleep/rest/battle insomnia until my brief morning reprieve from the discomfort rolls around.

Baby size?
Last night my backup midwife was checking out Jake’s position, etc. and she commented that he felt bigger than average 35 weeker - 6.5 lbs or more. I said my other babies were in the 8-9 lb range and she said if he goes to his due date or beyond, she would expect him to be closer to that 9 lb number.

Huh. I was rather hoping Jake might be just a little smaller than the others. Regardless, I know I can do it, though.

He was going crazy reacting to all that palpating, too - wiggling, kicking. Cute, but uncomfortable.

In other news - this is cute. I had TWO appts this week, first with the OB. When she listened to Jake’s heartbeat, she exclaimed, “WOW, that is a strong, strong heartbeat!” Then last night when the midwife was listening in with the fetoscope, she pulled back and said, “Wow that’s loud.”

Plus at the last ultrasound, they just raved and raved about his perfect little heart and wanted extra scans for teaching etc. Assuming he comes after his due date, I’ll forever think of him as my little lion-hearted boy.

Good heavens, I’m bragging on him already and he’s still in UTERO.

—————————————

Readiness, here’s where I’m at:

Physically: Not quite. I need to make it to Sunday (36 weeks) for midwives to attend my home birth. And I’d like to get to 38+ weeks at the least to make sure the boy is fully baked. (And based on past births, he’ll probably go at least 40 weeks).

But oh dear it’s going to be a long 5-6 weeks of discomfort if Jake-baby goes all the way.

Emotionally: I’m ready anytime. I’m especially ready to have my brain back, please. I’m ready to be on the other side, hopefully with most fears, worry and apprehension behind me.

Household: Ready!!!

Although with that said, I was feeling a little crampy yesterday and thought it might be the beginning of prelabor contrax (which can last for weeks and weeks with me) and I panicked a little bit. I’m ready for time to speed up a little so I can meet my Jake, but at the same time I want him fully baked and am not ready for him to come quite this early - too much preemie risk I’d rather avoid. Anyway, I think the crampiness was just gas…

We saw Knocked Up today - it was very funny, and for all the crudeness, it was still surprisingly intelligent and authentic. I really went into it with low expectations - just looking for something light and fun. (Scott went mainly to appease his preggo wife). We were both surprised to find that we liked it better than we thought we would.

Retrospectively, I checked out the Pajiba review and even they liked it. I’m glad I didn’t read that before I saw the movie, though. I love going to a movie with low expectations and finding myself surprised with the quality.

But if I may rant for a moment - what is WITH taking a 9 year old to this movie??? I couldn’t believe it when I saw a family walk in - mom, dad, teenage boy and looked like a 9 or 10 year old boy. First of all, it’s rated freaking RRRRRRRR for a reason, people.

Sex, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, profanity - you name it, it was in there. I can’t sit through quite a number of PG-13 movies with my teenage stepson. When so many PG-13 movies are so much on that edge of being too uncomfortable to watch with your kids, what are people THINKING taking an under-13-year-old to a rated R movie???? It seriously took me half the movie let go of the fact that there was a kid in the theater watching this stuff at the same time I was. I kept waiting for the family to walk out but they never did. UGH.