Archive for the ‘homebirth’ tag
Homebirth and “extreme” moms on 20/20
Having two midwife-attended home waterbirths I was looking to this 20/20 feature on “extreme” moms with a great deal of trepidation. They advertised a program with segments about orgasmic birth, “reborn” babies, extended breastfeeding, “serial” surrogacy and homebirth.
Which of these things is not like the other? I’m on board for reborns and a dozen surrogacies as extreme behavior (though not impressed with portrayal of these women as freak shows). Orgasmic birth is not necessarily a choice, let alone an extreme behavior – it is what it is; too bad more of us don’t get to experience that way of birthing.
Extended breastfeeding until the age of eight? Yeah, extreme.
But midwife-attended homebirth IS NOT an example of “extreme” mothering.
Just the fact of its inclusion in this program did not bode well for how they’d handle the topic. So, anxious and frustrated before the show even began, we tuned in.
Orgasmic birth
The orgasmic birth segment was the best of the show (and that’s damning with faint praise). The other segments were incredibly biased, sensationalistic, judgmental. The whole premise of this show was misogynistic (let’s paint women, especially mothers, as weirdos so you lot can point and laugh).
Extended breastfeeding
The extended breastfeeding segment wasn’t *really* about extended breastfeeding. It was about statistical outliers – people so far off the curve that they would be considered… extreme. No false advertising here lol. My gripe with this, aside from the aforementioned problem I have with the entire premise of this show, is that mainstream society already thinks breastfeeding past a few months old is extreme and wacky. Which puts pressures on mamas to make decisions for their children that are not necessarily in the best interest for their health and well-being just to conform.
If ALL babies weaned on their own biologically-appropriate timeline, you’d have an extreme few weaning between 6-12 months and another extreme few weaning upwards of 8 yo. Outliers. The average age of weaning when it is child-led is between ages 2-4. (That’s me nursing my two year old toddler circa 2002, she weaned completely not too many months after the shot was taken.) Not extreme. But now we’ve got this show painting all moms who nurse past the first year painted with the same outlier brush.
Worse than all that, the developmental “expert” they featured was an IDIOT trotting out the children “need to be taught independence” myth. Raise your children secure in their attachment for you and you will not need to teach them independence. They are more likely to take risks when they don’t feel insecure about their parents’ love. And, incidentally, the healthiest adult mother/child relationships I know of are those where the adult child can STILL count on their mamas for comfort and support. ♥ Seeking support and comfort from your mother does not necessarily equal dependence on her. Mr. So-Called-Expert is neither informed nor analytical enough for me to have any respect for his opinions.
The mom nursing her six year old son, on the other hand, came off as sensible, reasonable and intelligent – an excellent counterpoint to the so-called expert of developmental psychology whose outdated views on “detachment parenting” contribute to much of the dysfunction we have in society today.
Check out Custom Made Milk for an even more detailed analysis of this segment.
Reborn dolls
Who cares? Not my thing and yeah, those women seem pretty weird, but it’s a harmless eccentricity. Those dolls are works of art – wow!
“Serial” surrogacy
Who cares? As Scott pointed out, most professional athletes use their bodies to make a living and take far greater risks with their health (boxing??) with exactly zero philanthropic motivation. And they are revered.
Ah, on to the homebirth segment…
First, they totally edited the footage from Ricki Lake’s movie so it looked like Abby Epstein was a failed homebirth emergency, when, in fact, she went into preterm labor with a breech presentation. Unless she was parking at the hospital for weeks, this “transport” to the hospital would have happened regardless of where the birth was planned. At least she had the advantage of having a professional healthcare provider attending her before she went to the hospital.
They don’t make a clear delineation between unassisted birth and midwife-attended homebirth. Unassisted birth is an extreme choice, but that choice does not represent the way most families choose homebirth. Again, outlier.
I was glad Ricki Lake was interviewed, but ultimately they focused on Abby Epstein’s experience and how it represents “everything people think is wrong with homebirth.” (ARGH) I bet the Business of Being Born camp was mighty disappointed at how the homebirth segment was produced. I know I was.
Other annoyances
In general, I assume most of these families were given some indication that a segment on 20/20 would give them the chance to participate in a balanced view of their cause. (Were they even told this was for an “extreme moms” segment and what that meant?) I doubt they tell these moms, hey we want to make you out like a freak show, can we interview you?
I was frustrated with the parents who let their children be interviewed for the breastfeeding piece. I don’t think they’re damaging their children by breastfeeding them – I do think putting them on TV to talk about it when our culture is so poisonous on the topic is a particularly unfortunate lapse in judgment.
All the fathers/husbands on the show were painted as long-suffering spouses putting up with their wives’ wacky behavior. Never once were we shown a spouse who demonstrated that he was a participant in the parenting/decision-making.
As I expected, the show was tabloid journalism at its worst – a segment produced for no other purpose than to exploit base human behavior (let’s make fun of weird people). And it was a segment that did no favors for couples who make well-researched, well-considered decisions about birthing and nourishing their babies, making informed choices that just happen to be outside of mainstream behavior.
Jake’s birth story from dad’s point of view
Day 0 — 03:36
<B> Wakes up with some "more serious" contractions; wakes me up, too (not on purpose). I can't really get back to sleep, but I do get a bit more rest.
We spend the day running errands, including a "Non-Stress Test" (NST). This test ensures the baby is "healthy." No issues here, he's strong.
Day 1 — 20:00
Something's happening. "Soft" contractions 5 minutes apart. <B> tries a glass of wine and lies down, but things don't slow down. She takes a "relaxing" shower.
Day 2 — 01:00
I call the midwife. I suspect she'll fall back asleep–it seems "like her" to me. Really, we are calling earlier than we need to, but I need the reassurance.
Day 2 — 02:00
I call the midwife. As I suspected: asleep. It's O.K., we have time.
Day 2 — 02:35
Midwife shows up. Essentially tells <B> she needs to get some rest. <B> tries, doesn't do a great job, but the midwives (the helper showed up, too) and I got a few hours of "rest."
Day 2 — 05:00ish?
It's the start of a long morning. <B> tries to get "comfortable" in different places; generally no, luck.
Day 2 — 10:00ish?
<B> is DONE. She thinks she's ready to go to the hospital for an epidural. I go talk to the midwives. I think she just needs a pep-talk.
We talk it over, <B> is tired, tired, tired. Midwife makes a joke about Starbucks; but this gets me thinking "OK, yeah, diet Coke has caffeine! Maybe that will make a difference?". I go get her a diet Coke.
Midwives do a cervix check to see "where we're at". 4-5 cm, closer to 4 than 5. I was woried this would be a mental set back, but it wasn't.
[NOTE: One of the midwives later suggests mothers may need to get this worn out to enable their bodies to relax. Interesting idea and their might be some merit to it.]
Day 2 — 10:25
It's enough and we are back on track, all discussion of hospitals the done. From here on out it's rock/swivel (in the office chair), walk, pee, repeat.
Day 2 — 12:40
<B> gets in the tub to "relax". She's there for about 1.5 hours before the midwives begin to suggest she does something else. It takes a half hour more before she's convinced.
Day 2 — 14:50
<B> stands up in the tub to "see what happens", I support her. She begins to have a few harder contractions. They come a little closer together.
Day 2 — not keeping track of time anymore
We walk and walk around on the bathroom tile (it's a huge bathroom; huge; really big) until her water breaks. The "waters" are clear: good sign. I refill the tub (the tub is fairly large, also). Then we walk a little more. Then <B> has another cervix check, but things aren't progressing so well, so they do the check DURING a contraction. Yuck, looks uncomfortable. We rest a little on the bed, then all of a sudden the boy is crowning. We get in the tub (me first, then <B>; I am holding her such that she is secure: head above water and with my knees to press on) and not 10 minutes later <B> has the little guy in her arms.
That's the story, from my point of view.
I left a few things out, things like eating and drinking (I made sure <B> always had something to drink and brought her snacks as frequently as I could get her to eat them) and trips to the toilet (of which <B> made many).
This experience was amazing — I would not want to do it any other way. We ate and dank when we wanted and had the wonderful comforts of our home. This is where healthy babies of healthy moms are meant to be born!
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin is one heck of a useful book for either parent. After reading it, I was generally educated enough to be comfortable "doing my part" (which of course was very little).
Jake’s birth story
Friday 5:00 pm – reflexology session
Saturday 3:30 am – contractions start/nesting
Saturday 11 pm – glass of wine/bedtime
Sunday 1:30 am – early labor kicks up – contractions too frequent and noticeable to sleep through. I try to go back to sleep for a couple hours, but it’s not working. I get up at 3:30 and put veggie soup I’d previously made and frozen into the crockpot for labor sustenance.
Sunday 8 am – we call midwife to give her heads up. Early labor putzes along. Too uncomfortable to leave house. Lots of resting trying to conserve energy for long haul, but can’t sleep.
Sunday 11 pm – labor intensifies; glass of wine doesn’t work. Even though my contractions are still spaced around 5-6 minutes apart, I’m in active labor, vocalizing through the contractions. Sleep is not going to work. Scott calls midwife. She decides to come over – will rest/sleep at our house as much as she can.
Spaced out contractions is a typical labor pattern for me. Worse yet, I have to stay active to keep them at a reasonable frequency. If I sit in even the smallest bit of a reclined position, get in the tub or lie down then the contractions spread out even more – as much as 8-10 minutes apart.
Monday – My midwife (S) and her assistant (J) arrive around 2 am. They had been at another birth earlier in the day and haven’t had much sleep either the past couple nights. Upon assessing my status, my midwife recommends that we all try and get some rest until morning. I’m frustrated that lying down will space out my contractions and I won’t be able to sleep anyway, but I also know that I am TIRED and still have a long way to go. I haven’t had a cervix check at this point, but I know I’m 4-5 cm max. based on my past labors.
S gives me some great advice at this point – she suggests that if my contractions are slowing down when I lie down that my body is giving me an opportunity to rest and conserve energy and I might want to take advantage of it. Even though my contractions are getting pretty powerful, she advises me to do my best to relax through them, knowing that I’ll only have 4-6 minutes like that per hour to endure and the rest of the time I can rest/drowse, maybe even get a little sleep. I took her advice and adopted this strategy for the next 3-4 hours. It worked! My labor slowed down to contractions every 10-15 minutes. They were hard ones – I was vocalizing very loudly. I didn’t really get any sleep, but I got just enough rest to help me power through the morning.
Monday 5 am – Let’s get this party started. I’m done with this lying in bed and moaning thing. I can hear the girls getting up and ready for school with help from Scott’s mom. Maybe I will have a baby brother for them to meet by the time they get home!
All through this, Scott has been very attentive to my needs – especially making sure I’m staying fed and hydrated. Now things are starting to pick up, though – in intensity, if not in frequency – and I find myself seeking more physical support to get through contractions. He’s there for me. Wonderful man.
I’m having a VERY difficult time finding a comfortable position. I could manage the contractions really well in the glider rocker, but it slowed labor down significantly. I’m just way too tired to walk for 5 minutes between contractions or maintain my posture on the birth ball. I found that if I perched on the edge of my office chair with pillows behind me for support I could handle the contractions pretty effectively (especially with sacral counterpressure from Scott) and they didn’t slow down too much. I tried alternating that with some walking and that was a reasonable way to manage it all for a couple hours or so.
Monday 11 am (Where Diet Coke saves me from a repeat cesarean)
I announce that I’m done. I can hardly keep my eyes open and I feel SO discouraged. Nothing seems to be progressing; I’m just in this incredibly tedious holding pattern and I don’t have the energy to cope anymore – let alone kick up my activity to help accelerate the pace of the contractions. All I want to do at this point is be done with labor so I can sleep, sleep, sleep. Epidural, I say to Scott. Let’s go.
He suggests we discuss our options with the midwives. Maybe I need a pep talk? I said, just so long as you know you have to support me in whatever I want to do next. And understand that I’ve already thought this through. I know the risks. He said, You’ll most likely have a cesarean (true, because my labor is progressing WAY too slowly by hospital standards, an epidural would slow it down more, and since I’m a VBAC my doctor would be *very* unwilling to augment with Pitocin). I said, I’m not sure I care. At least I won’t feel contractions anymore.
All of this is, by the way, a repeat of my last labor. I gave up in the middle, too, and needed a pep talk/coaching to get back on track.
So the midwives suggested a cervix check so I could make the most informed decision. I consented – especially since I knew I’d have to get one at the hospital anyway. They were excited to see that I was a “very stretchy” 6-7 cm dilated and 100% effaced. Baby was +1. Membranes bulging. I guess my labors are putzy, but the
y DO get the job done. Eventually.
But I was still so TIRED. I was having a tough time imagining that I had the mental and physical resources to manage transition unmedicated. At the same time, I was trying to imagine all the nightmare of being processed at the hospital and how many hours were in store before I’d get any pain relief. And then there was that huge looming risk that hospital most likely meant surgery. And I really wasn’t on board for that – not yet.
Semi-jokingly, J suggested that I have some caffeine. Couldn’t hurt, right? A soda actually sounded good to me and anyway as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Scott was on his way to prepare me a Diet Coke. I ended up having two. 
What a difference it made! I was still pretty darn tired, but it gave me a mental alertness I was desperate for. It helped me with coping as I moved into transition.
Speaking of which, I lose track of time right about here. I get into the tub for a couple hours where I can relax through contractions pretty effectively. This is taking FOREVER. S checks me – I’m 7-8 cm, membranes bulging less. She suggests it’s time to get out of the tub and walk around a bit. I glare at her. She suggested I stand in the tub with Scott supporting me for a few contractions and if I can’t stand it, then I can sit back down in the water. I attempt that. Wow – the contractions bunch right up. I’m feeling out of control. I plop back down in the water. Contractions space back out. I can handle this better.
Unfortunately, this is taking forever. Another check. Not much progress – they start thinking that my sitting position is impeding progress and suggest some side lying in the tub or on the bed. I try it in the tub for awhile and it’s too uncomfortable. Finally I am just resolved. I have GOT to get this over with and I know what I have to do. The midwives look a little shocked to see me getting out of the tub.
So now I walk. I try to squat during contractions, but it’s hard. I start feeling pushy during contractions, but not the real “urge to push.” I get another check. 8-9 cm – gah! Why is this taking so bloody long?? Walk, walk, walk. Lean on my strong man during contractions. It seems like a million contractions later and FINALLY my water breaks. I didn’t think it ever would, but then again I was totally expecting it soon on some level because at this point I confined my pacing to the tiled bathroom so I didn’t sploosh all over my lovely bedroom carpeting.
Another check – still only 9 cm. Shoot me now. I was lying on the bed and didn’t want to get up. I needed a little break. But surprise! Next contraction I felt the urge to push. The midwives said that it was okay to do it as long as I didn’t push more than what my body needed to do. I pushed and could feel his head moving past my pubic bone. I’ve never noticed that sensation before – amazing!
We discussed moving to the tub for the birth, but before I could verbalize my choice to be in the tub, another contraction hit and I was astounded, “Ring of fire!” I said. Holy cow, the boy was crowning after only two contractions. We hastened to the tub. Scott stripped to his underwear and got in behind me. Two more contractions and Jake’s head was out. One more contraction and he was born. 40 hours from the beginning of early labor; 18.5 hours of active labor and 11 minutes of pushing. Amazing. I’ve been saying that once my uterus opened the door, he just rather fell out!
Pregnancy progress: He’s an August baby
Well, no July babe for me. Today I'm 41w3d. But I feel in loads better shape mentally after my midwife appointment last night. The appointment was actually scheduled for tonight, but I called her and asked if I could see her a day early.
1. I wanted a cervix check.
2. I badly needed a pep talk.
She came over and hung out with us for 2.5 hours! It was exactly what I needed.
(By the way, at my last OB appointment the doctor spent – at most – 5 minutes with me and didn't even touch me – the physician's assistant in training did all the measuring and checking for fetal heart tones and she didn't even palpate for position or anything. The conversation with various members of the staff was along the lines of "No baby yet? What's taking him so long?? When are you going to have this baby???" Between that and the hospital for NSTs, I was letting myself slide into that way of thinking – that something is so WRONG with me or the baby. And it just feeds my fears.
Don't get me wrong, I like my OB well enough – she's a neat lady and far more granola than most. But the bottom line? The standard of allopathic maternity care SUCKS in this country. At some point we really need to stop putting up with it. I'm glad my girls are witness to the fact that there ARE alternatives.)
I was a little annoyed with myself for caving on the cervix check (this was the first one I requested this pregnancy), but I wanted some idea of favorability well before my OB appointment on Friday. As it turns out, I am 2 cm, 60% effaced. Cervix is anterior and baby is 0 station. I was thinking about starting cohoshes today, but after getting the cervix data… nah. My body still has some work to do before this boy is coming out. And there just doesn't seem to be any valid reason yet to rush this.
With that said, based on my past labors where I have very long early labor stages (12+ hours) just getting to 6 cm and 100% effaced, my midwife suggested that I may just have the type of labors where I go into labor at 2 cm and early labor does the rest of the work. It makes for long labors, which sucks being me, but still it's a perfectly normal, healthy pattern.
She also suggested that one reason for all of this is because I generally have a long cervix and it takes awhile to get prepped for birth. She was like, that is NOT a bad thing. You have healthy uterine tissue! 
I just love her. She's so nurturing without even trying. 
Anyway, I was glad I had the cervix check. It definitely made me stop expecting labor to start any moment which is good for my sanity.
Overall the midwife was so reassuring about my health, about Jake's health – reminding me of all the stuff I KNOW intellectually, but just needed to hear (40 weeks is arbitrary number, readiness for birth is a developmental milestone; not all babies are ready on the exact same day, etc.). He's still pretty darn active – he was rolling around and kicking like crazy when she was measuring me, checking heart tones, etc. She said, I don't need NST graphs to tell me this baby is doing very okay right now. (Yes, I feel the same way!)
Oh, and this is a COOL thing! Every once in awhile in the last month or so, I notice this funny little pulsing movement. It's VERY quick and measured – and you can see it through my belly. Ever notice that with your in utero babes? I've said to DH a couple times, "WHAT is this movement? So weird – it's almost like feeling him breathe."
Well, turns out it IS breathing. Not real breathing of course but practice breath movements. The baby was doing it last night while my midwife was palpating for position. She said that is a REALLY good sign of health/readiness – they look for that on ultrasound when doing BPPs and if he does it, it's like 2 points in his favor kind of thing. 
It's so neat when he's doing that and I can lay my hand on his back and watch it rise and fall with his little practice breaths. I feel very connected to him during those times and can imagine what it will be like when he is (finally) out.
So that's where I'm at. Feeling better mentally than I have in days. Thinking about my blessings and counting them. Happy. After all, Jake's birth day gets closer every day that goes by, right? 
PS: I'm 10 days past my due date, I reserve the right to have a mood swing back into craptastic at any moment…
Shadow care sucks
As far as OBs go, I think mine is amazingly crunchy. For example, when she saw I was reading the Spiritual Midwifery book while I was waiting for her, she said, "Oh, great book!!!" She's into all kinds of unconventional and alternative therapies, offering doula services, accupuncture/pressure, reiki services right in her facility.
So it surprised me yesterday when she casually suggests an ultrasound for no medical reason whatsoever.
It went something like this: At my appointment yesterday I measured a little low (34 cm – I'm 36 weeks) and after she measured, she asked when I had my last u/s. (28 weeks) Then she says casually, "Let's get another one to check his size."
I measured dead on last week, so I was blindsided by this. I was noncommittal, but my head was screaming "WTFFFFF???"
I didn't even know WHY she'd order the u/s. Upon brief palpation she said she doesn't think he's going to be as big as my earlier babies (8-9 lbers) – the exact opposite of what my midwife said LOL – so the test here isn't to feel sure I can VBAC a "big baby." Is she worried about him not thriving? IUGR? Is she not worried at all and just routinely orders a sizing u/s at this stage of pregnancy? But I was so dumbfounded at the time that I couldn't even muster a simple, "why?"
And don't even get me started on how worthless u/s is at estimating birth weight – especially at this stage of pregnancy.
Everything is going fabulously right now <knock wood> – blood pressure is low, not a speck of swelling, babe is super active, strong heartbeat. Anyway when she checked my cervix, she said the boy isn't engaged at all.
But, even so, he's all over the place. He's in a completely different position every time I'm measured (twice a week right now between midwives and shadow care OB). I feel very confident that his position likely accounts for the measuring difference.
I'm pretty sure I don't want to get an ultrasound (thereby hopping onto the intervention train). I've been on that ride before – it's learning from that hard won experience which has me so embittered now. 
I mean, sure, I'd love to see Jakey in utero again and see how he's grown. Fun!
But it's just not worth the risk. I really don't want to go in for an u/s for "size" (and my personal pleasure) and have them identify some vague long-shot something that makes them (and potentially me) all scared and anxious. If there was actually some valid concern at this point, that would be different.
[Aside: I'm particularly sensitive to this right now, too, because my midwives recently shared a story where one of their clients got risked out of homebirth because the u/s clinic (same one where I'd go, BTW) found a possible heart problem. It was all very vague and possibility and maybe. The midwives were still willing to attend her homebirth, since there was no official dx, just "shadows," but ultimately she felt too pressured/nervous by the doctors and risked herself out to hospital birth. It went wonderfully, the midwives were present. Baby was perfectly healthy - no heart problem as it turned out.]
So, anyway, wanting to know more about my doctor's motivation here before I seriously considered consenting to an u/s, I finally called the doctor's office for some clarification (after much urging from Scott who, I think, was a little aggravated by my angsting when it was all so needless what with modern telecommunications and all that).
As it turns out she's not worried about anything at all. The timing of the u/s suggestion right after the fundal measurement was merely coincidence. According to the person I talked to, doc says this suggestion was for a third trimester u/s she does routinely to check baby's growth. "It's a good thing!" the receptionist chirped.
Oh, honey. <sigh>
Anyway, that makes it easy to refuse.
GEEZ. I think my conventional OB from 11 years ago did less routine prenatal testing than I've had to consider this time.
Pregnancy: Week 36 (Ouch!)
As of tomorrow, I officially qualify with my midwives for homebirth. I'm truly in the homestretch now! Scott is cute – he's starting to react with concern to all my groans and exclamations. And of course I'm just moaning and groaning in discomfort – oh yes, there's lots of that. By the time an actual labor pain DOES strike (weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks from now) he'll no doubt be all nonchalant because I cried "Wolf!" for so long. ;-D
My upper abdomen is very tender these days. I can't tell if it's my uterus that's sore. Maybe it's my ab muscles… ? Separating? It's very frustrating. Even sitting down isn't enough to relieve the discomfort. Lying down with lots of pillow support is really the only comfortable position. Yeah, like I can do THAT all day.
Today I caved in and bought a maternity belt.That does seem to help a little bit. (Though when I took it off, WHOOSH, there was suddenly all this baby weight on my bladder again! That cracked me up.) Anyway, we'll see how well it works over the next several days.
Floating in the pool, though, that's the only place I feel good. I was in there for ages this evening. Lovely. Just wonderful.
I also got a copy of Ina May Gaskin's Spiritual Midwifery today. I've really been looking forward to reading this book for all the positive labor/birth affirmation if offers. The perfect read as my pregnancy winds down to the big day. 
Vox Hunt: Heartwarming
Show us something that warms your heart.
What warms my heart? A peaceful birth.
I'm hoping for another one of these in July.
Mir was born at home March 1, 2000. In this photo, she was "between worlds." As she emerged from the water, the midwife put the cap on her head to conserve her body heat and her daddy snapped this photo. She has yet to draw her first breath. (Though she did just moments after this photo was taken.) She's my big, almost-seven year old now. She was the sunniest baby, and remains a happy little girl. See earlier entries for some examples of her antics.
And does my little Pisces love the water? Oh yes, she does.
Pregnancy progress: One little baby Ours
Pregnant with #4 (#6 in our blended family) – Due July 22, 2007 – planning a homebirth
Here’s our little baby Ours. When the baby was just a blob – 3D ultrasound at 7w2d
Mom to 4 kids and 2 stepkids, I am a writer writing in the heart of chaos. I am the co-founder and former editor of 
