BeBa

I have a doctor appoinment later this morning (shadow care; planned homebirth). Wish me luck. I'm very nervous – I've been researching postdates and postmaturity ever since I got up this morning in preparation for this appointment. I'm 41w5d today. I know this is NOT going to be fun. I was SO hoping I wouldn't go this late and be faced with this problem.

I have to say based on my research though that my OB has been amazingly low-key about me going over 40 weeks. She hasn't breathed a word about induction and it seems most docs start in on that at 41 weeks (and ACOG recommendation is 42 weeks end of pregnancy, end of story).

I'm expecting her to order a BPP today and I'm okay with that. It would do me some good mentally to see my Jakey. And I don't begrudge my doc her need to CYA and seek reassurance. (Personally, my intuition says all is well – the boy is still very active and also spins very freely still from LOT to ROT and OP, usually depending on my position. I think he has plenty of room, isn't too enormous [I was more uncomfortable with DD3 than with this pg so far and she was born 8#12 at 41 weeks] and probably has plenty of amniotic fluid, given the vigor of his movements.)

Also, I think labor is coming. I couldn't begin to pinpoint a day or anything, but I can tell my cervix is ripening more all the time – LOTS of increasing CM (it's insane!!) and I'm having increasing bouts of contractions that are more frequent and intense. Some of them are starting to get my attention.

My midwife put it well the other day – she said, "most likely you will slowly progress until finally the uterus 'loses it's grip' and labor starts full force." And I can tell by the signs that indeed things are progressing in that way. I'd be far more concerned and stressed if I had NO signs of labor at this point. (But I'm still a little concerned and stressed, of course – mostly because I know so much and am, after all, a product of my culture…)

I can easily buy time through the weekend, assuming all remains well with the baby. And, depending on how today goes, I think I will starting getting a little more aggressive with at-home induction methods. Cohoshes for sure. Perhaps tomorrow the big guns… membrane stripping/castor oil.

Anyway, I'll let you all know how it goes.

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Eleven days past his due date… of course, he's still all snuggled up inside me.

I had another NST yesterday evening – all is well. I even had a few contrax during the monitoring. In fact, starting yesterday afternoon, they became little more intense and frequent than they had been. One more level up. This kind of thing goes on for AGES for me, though. I suspected it was not a good sign that labor would be anytime soon when they didn't start up sooner…

If I go into full blown labor before the weekend, I'll be amazed. Also, since I've gone this insanely late (WTF? lol) now I have a stressful date to AVOID. Scott has a very important meeting on Friday that cannot be rescheduled. It would be pretty yucky if I was giving birth at that time and he had to miss it. Not the end of the world, but it would be good if he were there.

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Well, no July babe for me. Today I'm 41w3d. But I feel in loads better shape mentally after my midwife appointment last night. The appointment was actually scheduled for tonight, but I called her and asked if I could see her a day early.

1. I wanted a cervix check.

2. I badly needed a pep talk.

She came over and hung out with us for 2.5 hours! It was exactly what I needed.

(By the way, at my last OB appointment the doctor spent – at most – 5 minutes with me and didn't even touch me – the physician's assistant in training did all the measuring and checking for fetal heart tones and she didn't even palpate for position or anything. The conversation with various members of the staff was along the lines of "No baby yet? What's taking him so long?? When are you going to have this baby???" Between that and the hospital for NSTs, I was letting myself slide into that way of thinking – that something is so WRONG with me or the baby. And it just feeds my fears.

Don't get me wrong, I like my OB well enough – she's a neat lady and far more granola than most. But the bottom line? The standard of allopathic maternity care SUCKS in this country. At some point we really need to stop putting up with it. I'm glad my girls are witness to the fact that there ARE alternatives.)

I was a little annoyed with myself for caving on the cervix check (this was the first one I requested this pregnancy), but I wanted some idea of favorability well before my OB appointment on Friday. As it turns out, I am 2 cm, 60% effaced. Cervix is anterior and baby is 0 station. I was thinking about starting cohoshes today, but after getting the cervix data… nah. My body still has some work to do before this boy is coming out. And there just doesn't seem to be any valid reason yet to rush this.

With that said, based on my past labors where I have very long early labor stages (12+ hours) just getting to 6 cm and 100% effaced, my midwife suggested that I may just have the type of labors where I go into labor at 2 cm and early labor does the rest of the work. It makes for long labors, which sucks being me, but still it's a perfectly normal, healthy pattern.

She also suggested that one reason for all of this is because I generally have a long cervix and it takes awhile to get prepped for birth. She was like, that is NOT a bad thing. You have healthy uterine tissue! I just love her. She's so nurturing without even trying.

Anyway, I was glad I had the cervix check. It definitely made me stop expecting labor to start any moment which is good for my sanity.

Overall the midwife was so reassuring about my health, about Jake's health – reminding me of all the stuff I KNOW intellectually, but just needed to hear (40 weeks is arbitrary number, readiness for birth is a developmental milestone; not all babies are ready on the exact same day, etc.). He's still pretty darn active – he was rolling around and kicking like crazy when she was measuring me, checking heart tones, etc. She said, I don't need NST graphs to tell me this baby is doing very okay right now. (Yes, I feel the same way!)

Oh, and this is a COOL thing! Every once in awhile in the last month or so, I notice this funny little pulsing movement. It's VERY quick and measured – and you can see it through my belly. Ever notice that with your in utero babes? I've said to DH a couple times, "WHAT is this movement? So weird – it's almost like feeling him breathe."

Well, turns out it IS breathing. Not real breathing of course but practice breath movements. The baby was doing it last night while my midwife was palpating for position. She said that is a REALLY good sign of health/readiness – they look for that on ultrasound when doing BPPs and if he does it, it's like 2 points in his favor kind of thing.

It's so neat when he's doing that and I can lay my hand on his back and watch it rise and fall with his little practice breaths. I feel very connected to him during those times and can imagine what it will be like when he is (finally) out.

So that's where I'm at. Feeling better mentally than I have in days. Thinking about my blessings and counting them. Happy. After all, Jake's birth day gets closer every day that goes by, right?

PS: I'm 10 days past my due date, I reserve the right to have a mood swing back into craptastic at any moment…

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Still pregnant.

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…still pregnant (41w1d).

Had a dream last night that the boy was born and I was nursing him. When the alarm went off, I had to pop him off the boob to turn it off. Well, anyway, in reality it was Scott's alarm that went off and when I woke up of course I was disappointed that there was no baby in my arms. Wahhhhhh.

Have another NST sometime today. We tried to get in earlier this morning to get this done, but they were swamped.

I'm tired, annoyed and BEYOND ready.

Thank you ALL so much for your words of encouragement and support!! (((hug)))

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HM: So, mom, any signs of labor yet.

Me: [Silently: I love you and I forgive you for asking.] Out loud: No.

Mir: Mom, could Jake be borned five minutes from now?

Me. Nope.

Mir: What about 10 minutes from now?

Me: No, not very likely. It takes awhile after labor starts for the baby to be born.

Mir: Well, what about in TWENTY minutes?

Me: No, baby. I suppose it's possible, but not very likely at all for us. It took you and HM two days EACH to be born.

Mir: Oh. Well, what about in THIRTY minutes?

Me: Let's talk about something else now.

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