Post-pregnancy bodies marketed as pathology. How depressing.

Is the 'Mom Job' Really Necessary?
- New York Times

In 1970, “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” the seminal guide to women’s health, described the cosmetic changes that can happen during and after pregnancy simply as phenomena. But now narrowing beauty norms are recasting the transformations of motherhood as stigma.

These unforgiving standards are the offspring of pop culture and technology, a union that treats biological changes as if they were as optional as hair color.

And note: It's the marketing of elective cosmetic surgery to perfectly healthy women I take issue with… (not the existence of the option or the decision some women make about it).

Aggressively marketing some ridiculous ideal to postpartum women,  however,  is super ick.

As far as me, personally, a few years following three pregnancies and four total years of breastfeeding, I flirted with the idea of a breast lift and augmentation. I didn't like the message that sent to my girls, though, and I couldn't think of any acceptable explanation to give them later…

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This daddy worked hard!

Friday 5:00 pm – reflexology session

Saturday 3:30 am – contractions start/nesting

Saturday 11 pm – glass of wine/bedtime

Sunday 1:30 am – early labor kicks up – contractions too frequent and noticeable to sleep through. I try to go back to sleep for a couple hours, but it’s not working. I get up at 3:30 and put veggie soup I’d previously made and frozen into the crockpot for labor sustenance.

Sunday 8 am – we call midwife to give her heads up. Early labor putzes along. Too uncomfortable to leave house. Lots of resting trying to conserve energy for long haul, but can’t sleep.

Sunday 11 pm – labor intensifies; glass of wine doesn’t work. Even though my contractions are still spaced around 5-6 minutes apart, I’m in active labor, vocalizing through the contractions. Sleep is not going to work. Scott calls midwife. She decides to come over – will rest/sleep at our house as much as she can.

Spaced out contractions is a typical labor pattern for me. Worse yet, I have to stay active to keep them at a reasonable frequency. If I sit in even the smallest bit of a reclined position, get in the tub or lie down then the contractions spread out even more – as much as 8-10 minutes apart.

Monday – My midwife (S) and her assistant (J) arrive around 2 am. They had been at another birth earlier in the day and haven’t had much sleep either the past couple nights. Upon assessing my status, my midwife recommends that we all try and get some rest until morning. I’m frustrated that lying down will space out my contractions and I won’t be able to sleep anyway, but I also know that I am TIRED and still have a long way to go. I haven’t had a cervix check at this point, but I know I’m 4-5 cm max. based on my past labors.

S gives me some great advice at this point – she suggests that if my contractions are slowing down when I lie down that my body is giving me an opportunity to rest and conserve energy and I might want to take advantage of it. Even though my contractions are getting pretty powerful, she advises me to do my best to relax through them, knowing that I’ll only have 4-6 minutes like that per hour to endure and the rest of the time I can rest/drowse, maybe even get a little sleep. I took her advice and adopted this strategy for the next 3-4 hours. It worked! My labor slowed down to contractions every 10-15 minutes. They were hard ones – I was vocalizing very loudly. I didn’t really get any sleep, but I got just enough rest to help me power through the morning.

Monday 5 am – Let’s get this party started. I’m done with this lying in bed and moaning thing. I can hear the girls getting up and ready for school with help from Scott’s mom. Maybe I will have a baby brother for them to meet by the time they get home!

All through this, Scott has been very attentive to my needs – especially making sure I’m staying fed and hydrated. Now things are starting to pick up, though – in intensity, if not in frequency – and I find myself seeking more physical support to get through contractions. He’s there for me. Wonderful man.

I was grumpier than I looked here

I’m having a VERY difficult time finding a comfortable position. I could manage the contractions really well in the glider rocker, but it slowed labor down significantly. I’m just way too tired to walk for 5 minutes between contractions or maintain my posture on the birth ball. I found that if I perched on the edge of my office chair with pillows behind me for support I could handle the contractions pretty effectively (especially with sacral counterpressure from Scott) and they didn’t slow down too much. I tried alternating that with some walking and that was a reasonable way to manage it all for a couple hours or so.

Monday 11 am (Where Diet Coke saves me from a repeat cesarean)

I announce that I’m done. I can hardly keep my eyes open and I feel SO discouraged. Nothing seems to be progressing; I’m just in this incredibly tedious holding pattern and I don’t have the energy to cope anymore – let alone kick up my activity to help accelerate the pace of the contractions. All I want to do at this point is be done with labor so I can sleep, sleep, sleep. Epidural, I say to Scott. Let’s go.

He suggests we discuss our options with the midwives. Maybe I need a pep talk? I said, just so long as you know you have to support me in whatever I want to do next. And understand that I’ve already thought this through. I know the risks. He said, You’ll most likely have a cesarean (true, because my labor is progressing WAY too slowly by hospital standards, an epidural would slow it down more, and since I’m a VBAC my doctor would be  *very* unwilling to augment with Pitocin). I said, I’m not sure I care. At least I won’t feel contractions anymore.

All of this is, by the way, a repeat of my last labor. I gave up in the middle, too, and needed a pep talk/coaching to get back on track.

Transition in the tub

So the midwives suggested a cervix check so I could make the most informed decision. I consented – especially since I knew I’d have to get one at the hospital anyway. They were excited to see that I was a “very stretchy” 6-7 cm dilated and 100% effaced. Baby was +1. Membranes bulging. I guess my labors are putzy, but the
y DO get the job done. Eventually.

But I was still so TIRED. I was having a tough time imagining that I had the mental and physical resources to manage transition unmedicated. At the same time, I was trying to imagine all the nightmare of being processed at the hospital and how many hours were in store before I’d get any pain relief. And then there was that huge looming risk that hospital most likely meant surgery. And I really wasn’t on board for that – not yet.

Semi-jokingly, J suggested that I have some caffeine. Couldn’t hurt, right? A soda actually sounded good to me and anyway as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Scott was on his way to prepare me a Diet Coke. I ended up  having two. What a difference it made!  I was still pretty darn tired, but it gave me a mental alertness I was desperate for. It helped me with coping as I moved into transition.

Support

Speaking of which, I lose track of time right about here. I get into the tub for a couple hours where I can relax through contractions pretty effectively. This is taking FOREVER. S checks me – I’m 7-8 cm, membranes bulging less. She suggests it’s time to get out of the tub and walk around a bit. I glare at her. She suggested I stand in the tub with Scott supporting me for a few contractions and if I can’t stand it, then I can sit back down in the water. I attempt that. Wow – the contractions bunch right up. I’m feeling out of control. I plop back down in the water. Contractions space back out. I can handle this better.

Unfortunately, this is taking forever. Another check. Not much progress – they start thinking that my sitting position is impeding progress and suggest some side lying in the tub or on the bed. I try it in the tub for awhile and it’s too uncomfortable. Finally I am just resolved. I have GOT to get this over with and I know what I have to do. The midwives look a little shocked to see me getting out of the tub.

Jake is born

So now I walk. I try to squat during contractions, but it’s hard. I start feeling pushy during contractions, but not the real “urge to push.” I get another check. 8-9 cm – gah! Why is this taking so bloody long?? Walk, walk, walk. Lean on my strong man during contractions. It seems like a million contractions later and FINALLY my water breaks. I didn’t think it ever would, but then again I was totally expecting it soon on some level because at this point I confined my pacing to the tiled bathroom so I didn’t sploosh all over my lovely bedroom carpeting.

Another check – still only 9 cm. Shoot me now. I was lying on the bed and didn’t want to get up. I needed a little break. But surprise! Next contraction I felt the urge to push. The midwives said that it was okay to do it as long as I didn’t push more than what my body needed to do. I pushed and could feel his head moving past my pubic bone. I’ve never noticed that sensation before – amazing!

We discussed moving to the tub for the birth, but before I could verbalize my choice to be in the tub, another contraction hit and I was astounded, “Ring of fire!” I said. Holy cow, the boy was crowning after only two contractions. We hastened to the tub. Scott stripped to his underwear and got in behind me. Two more contractions and Jake’s head was out. One more contraction and he was born. 40 hours from the beginning of early labor; 18.5 hours of active labor and 11 minutes of pushing. Amazing. I’ve been saying that once my uterus opened the door, he just rather fell out!

Jackson (Jake) Scott
Born: August 6, 2007, 5:21 pm

Weight 8 lbs, length 19 3/4 inches.

Jake with mama two hours after being born

Successful home waterbirth: 40 hours to get from 2cm to 10 cm (!!!) – and then 10 min of pushing. Scott was an AMAZING birth partner. I'm so proud of him.

Proud daddy with baby Jake

Good nurser right from the first minutes.

Birth story and more pix later.

PS: He coos when he cries – it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

So worried, now so happy

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Pregnancy notes   : :   Belly  : :   Ultrasounds   : :   Birth   : :   Baby gear

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42 week belly pic

…and I think baby will be here soon.

Just snapped a 42 week belly pic. Not the greatest quality, but that's what you get at 4 am between contractions.

Yesterday, starting around 3:30 am – 3-5 contractions per hour all day. Lots of show.

VERY busy day – had company in the morning, went out to lunch, had NST, then went shopping at mall with Scott to get a few school clothes. THEN, omg, purged and sorted HM and Mir's clothes. I don't know why I finally got around to this chore I've been procrastinating on for months, but hurrah, it's done.

Had a yummy dinner (thanks to Scott's mama!) Watched TV for awhile in the evening while sitting on birth ball. Contractions starting coming more regularly, somewhat more intense – about 10 minutes apart.

Had a glass of wine, went to bed at 11 am hoping to catch a few hours of sleep.

Contractions woke me up at 1 am. Continuing show. Between 1-3 am they went from about 8-10 min apart to about 5 min apart. Tried to go back to sleep. Too much discomfort. Got up, got some stuff out of freezer (vegetable soup for crock pot, banana bread), started a load of kid laundry left over from yesterday's project. Started typing this post between contractions and timing them:

Time                                 Duration                 Frequency
03:24:56 am 03:25:57 am    1 mins, 1 secs         3 mins, 40 secs
03:21:14 am 03:22:05 am    50 secs                   3 mins, 55 secs
03:17:19 am 03:18:20 am    1 mins, 0 secs         3 mins, 33 secs
03:13:45 am 03:14:33 am    47 secs

They have spaced out a bit again since that bout, but damn they are even more uncomfortable. I'd like to try to get a little more sleep, but I fear this is just gonna be a long, tiring day. Hopefully there is a babe in arms somewhere along the way…

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As I mentioned in last night's post, on the recommendation of my OB (who incorporates eastern healing techniques into her practice), I had a reflexology session yesterday evening to try and stimulate some labor. Around 3:30 am, I started having some attention-getting contractions. And they didn't go away when I got up and pursued other activities! They have continued since then at a rate of 4-5 per hour. I can't read through these ones! And I've also been steadily producing some pink-tinged show since then. Yay for glop!

If my other two spontaneous labors are predicative, this is the very, very beginning for me – based on my history with them I would expect the pace of this to slowly but steadily pick up over the next day or two. I think we'll be meeting Jake as early as tomorrow or maybe Monday or Tuesday. I've been debating adding some cohoshes to the mix today, but I'm thinking at this point there's no real need to rush things along.

I'm supposed to have another NST sometime today, too. I think I'll just walk, rest and sit on the birth ball a lot today… and I'm trying to find something to bake (I think that's how I nest, I made cheesecake-filled cupcakes last Sunday, Heath bar cookies on Thursday and banana bread yesterday. What can I make today??)

I'm pretty sure it won't be today, but I feel ever more at peace to see things starting to move along.

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I feel so much more relaxed!! I was so worried, but my OB was fabulous at this appointment. She noted that I'm in great health (I'm seriously amazed at how generally good I feel for being this pregnant actually!), Jake looks wonderful on the NSTs and per my reports of lots of movement and position changes. She didn't want to order an ultrasound/BPP unless I felt like I needed it – and I don't really just yet.

She was generally unconcerned and ordered another NST for tomorrow and another again on Monday or Tuesday. I also have an appointment scheduled with her on Monday morning. She was a teensy bit concerned about the size he might be getting to, especially considering that DD3 was 8#12 at 41 weeks, but I told her I really don't feel like Jake is even that big yet. Even at almost 42 weeks I'm not as uncomfortable, nor as large, as I was with her. Also her daddy is 6'6" and she takes after him – she's always been very tall for her age, so I think her birth weight was driven more by that genetic legacy. And, anyway, I really don't believe I've made a baby my body can't birth. Especially with midwives and their bag of positioning tricks to help get those babies out.

I was so impressed by how low-key the doctor was. Yay! Part of it, I think, is that induction is not an option for me as far as she is concerned. She won't hook me up to any amount of Pit since I'm a VBAC. I can completely respect that. Induction of mamas with scarred uteri is a big part of what has made VBAC so damn hard to come by these days in the first place. Unfortunately, of course, that means if Jake needs to come out ASAP at some point for a medical reason, it will be straight to c/s.

Oh, I did have another vaginal exam – my request – not much change since the midwife did one on Tuesday. BLAH. She didn't exactly strip my membranes, but it was a rougher exam than I had from my midwife. No action as a result though.

Now this doctor actually has an acupuncturist and reflexologist who keep office hours at her practice. She hasn't been particularly impressed with the results of acupuncture for kick starting labor, but she has observed good results with the reflexology, so she recommended a session of that if I was interested. Hell yeah!

I talked to the reflexologist before I left the doc's office and scheduled an appointment for this evening. It was an hour session – a little painful at times, but she says the magic is, at least in part, in the pervasive relaxation that results. Indeed, three hours later and I feel… interesting. I feel mellow and relaxed, with a low-key energy. I've been having some nice contractions, but I tend to do that this time of night anyway lately. She said if it's going to induce anything, it will probably take 8-10 hours. <crossing fingers> but not expecting anything. If it didn't "take," we'll schedule another session on Monday…

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DD1 – 39 weeks exactly
DD2 – 40 weeks exactly
DD3 – 41 weeks exactly

And when I said haha, wouldn’t that be funny if Jake held out for 42 weeks so I’d have this cool little numeric sequence thing going on… ?

Yeah, well, IT WAS A JOKE.

I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!!

At 41w5d and no feeling that labor is particularly imminent, I’m thinking that joke was never really all that funny…

Scott has his meeting early this morning (at least I managed to avoid giving birth in conflict with that!) and then we have a doctor’s appointment later this morning (which will probably be frustrating).

For now, I’m going to go rouse B for school and make some banana bread.

I have a doctor appoinment later this morning (shadow care; planned homebirth). Wish me luck. I'm very nervous – I've been researching postdates and postmaturity ever since I got up this morning in preparation for this appointment. I'm 41w5d today. I know this is NOT going to be fun. I was SO hoping I wouldn't go this late and be faced with this problem.

I have to say based on my research though that my OB has been amazingly low-key about me going over 40 weeks. She hasn't breathed a word about induction and it seems most docs start in on that at 41 weeks (and ACOG recommendation is 42 weeks end of pregnancy, end of story).

I'm expecting her to order a BPP today and I'm okay with that. It would do me some good mentally to see my Jakey. And I don't begrudge my doc her need to CYA and seek reassurance. (Personally, my intuition says all is well – the boy is still very active and also spins very freely still from LOT to ROT and OP, usually depending on my position. I think he has plenty of room, isn't too enormous [I was more uncomfortable with DD3 than with this pg so far and she was born 8#12 at 41 weeks] and probably has plenty of amniotic fluid, given the vigor of his movements.)

Also, I think labor is coming. I couldn't begin to pinpoint a day or anything, but I can tell my cervix is ripening more all the time – LOTS of increasing CM (it's insane!!) and I'm having increasing bouts of contractions that are more frequent and intense. Some of them are starting to get my attention.

My midwife put it well the other day – she said, "most likely you will slowly progress until finally the uterus 'loses it's grip' and labor starts full force." And I can tell by the signs that indeed things are progressing in that way. I'd be far more concerned and stressed if I had NO signs of labor at this point. (But I'm still a little concerned and stressed, of course – mostly because I know so much and am, after all, a product of my culture…)

I can easily buy time through the weekend, assuming all remains well with the baby. And, depending on how today goes, I think I will starting getting a little more aggressive with at-home induction methods. Cohoshes for sure. Perhaps tomorrow the big guns… membrane stripping/castor oil.

Anyway, I'll let you all know how it goes.

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I've shared this before…

DD1 – 39 weeks exactly
DD2 – 40 weeks exactly
DD3 – 41 weeks exactly

And when I said haha, wouldn't that be funny if Jake held out for 42 weeks so I'd have this cool little numeric sequence thing going on… ?

Yeah, well, IT WAS A JOKE.

I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!!

At 41w5d and no feeling that labor is particularly imminent, I'm thinking that joke was never really all that funny…

Scott has his meeting early this morning (at least I managed to avoid giving birth in conflict with that!) and then we have a doctor's appointment later this morning (which will probably be frustrating).

For now, I'm going to go rouse B for school and make some banana bread.

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